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Great Frickin' Literature by TheSkull31

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Submitted on
November 27, 2012
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4.9 KB


51 (who?)
"The sun grew darker and dimmer as the humans' towers rose taller. Some believe this was to keep ourselves from burning in hellfire as we ascended to the heavens; a marriage to nature that ensured our well-being."
~Argus Vallure


       "Humanity had fallen unto it's hubris. Rising in tandem with the Towers, their unwavering pride ensured that soon, all but naught would remain of their kind. A self admiration that spread as a cancer on their world, gave birth to us... Born from a cancer... what does that make us?"

Rifel crossed his arms, tapping a single foot against the harshly depressed soil, oblivious to the destruction of the young grass and flora this action would surely author. He raised an arm to gesture as if he were pointing below, his large vulpine paw implying that significance may lay in the infinite abyss below.

This, as if some sort of pseudo-cue, caused the ursa beside him to step forward and look as instructed, both curious and confused as to what Rifel could be pointing out.

"You're the only person I know, who can come here for days on end and stare only at fog – as if some sort of latent importance were waiting to be found." He scoffed, standing almost a full foot shorter than Rifel, and easily twice as burly.

"It's not what I'm looking to find, Duncan." Rifel responded. "It's what I know I cannot find that is most important to me. As if it were a plague..."

"A plague indeed," was Duncan's reply. "when it impacts your life so. I dislike having to be bold, but The Triumvirate has spoken."

"As they do almost endlessly." Rifel bit. "Please explain yourself."

"They've spoken of your inaction. It seems to bother them more than I."

The vulpine retreated his paw, and brought it up to stroke his chin. This was a contemplative gesture, and based purely on superstition, it helped him think.

"My inaction to what end?" Rifel asked patiently, continuing to rub the small tuft of fur that protruded from his chin. "I am tasked with many assignments."

"They would not say. It must be a very secretive matter."

"So you don't know?"

"I do not."

"In your ignorance you've told me... exactly what they speak of." Rifel smiled.

The two males stood on what was commonly referred to as an outlook. This kinmade creation came about several hundred years ago, and at its essence was a gargantuan drop-off. When the natural beauty of the Towers' edges began to recede due to time's harsh erosion, the inhabitants thought to beautify them with hedges, water and flowers. It was never established the distance between here and the surface, but any kin was sure that the fall was nigh insurmountable, partly due to the constant fog that would obscure any effort to make out the surface below.

With that in mind, during their creation they were often used in a disciplinary fashion – to send those unfit for life to their death in the unknown.  This had certainly been outlawed almost as fast as it was put into motion – and the outlooks then became places of serenity, of isolation and beauty.

When one were to bathe themselves in the vistas the outlook would provide, their lives would be surely changed. But due to obvious reasons, it was a day of fog, leaving little to be seen below and multitudes to the imagination. As most days had done, and most would continue to do. Duncan had wondered how seeing such a grim haze could be life changing to anybody, but never stopped to question The Triumvirate's stance on the outlooks.

"Will you speak honestly with me, Duncan?" Rifel proposed, as he tilted his head towards the younger ursa, who still seemed overtaken by the fog.

"It-- it would be my pleasure." Duncan shook his head for clarity, as if to snap himself out of a reverie.

"I want you to think very carefully before you answer my question."

"Absolutely, sir."

"You were staring quite profoundly over the outlook. What did you see?"

"The same as you, and nothing more." Duncan replied.

Between the two conversing males rested a minuscule stream. It originated from inside The Triumvirate's amphitheatre, and slowly trickled over the outlook.

Valessa strained to hear the continuation of this exchange from her vantage point beyond some nearby bushes, her notebook clutched tightly in-paw as she hoped to glean valuable information from the males. It didn't matter if the information interested her; while this conversation was certainly intriguing, the important thing was whether it was of interest to her client. If it could be sold for money - that was all that she cared about. She had to eat, after all, and so she knelt down to obscure herself more, as the conversation continued, her small form completely invisible to the two kin guarding the outlook.
The beginning.
Is this readable?
I can't figure out how to indent new paragraphs. Anyone else know?
It's not the end of the world. But my OCD wants to make it look exactly like it does in my word processor.

- Changed It's and Its.
- Changed men to male, to avoid human confusion. Will change woman to female.
- Described things a little different to make their introductions seem less abrupt.

- Changed description of The Outlook.
- Changed Dialogue to fit the characters more.
- Mentioned that the towers look like ancient human architecture. When the name Roma is mentioned earlier it will give the reader a clear view of what the world looks like.
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This is probably the first furry novel I've ever read, and yes, I said novel. This first page is well written, as well as the fact that it paints a perfect picture in my head. I can just see Valessa cringing at the thought of water. So far, I can see that Valessa and Rifel are vulpine, but just vulpine is as far as I can see. Authors usually do put in a small description of the characters featured in the beginning, in the beginning of the story, I'm sure I'll find more details later thought. So far I have a really good idea of their characteristics; personality, but not too much their appearance. I really like the story so far, and I will DEFINITELY read more! I'm exited to read more, but I'd have to wait because I don't have much access to anything but my mobile device, which is pretty old, and it's kinda hard to read on it!

Btw, Valessa is scared of water. Valessa is a spy, meaning she will have many places where she won't have time to be scared of it, which is a burden. I can foreshadow really well what's gonna happen! ;D
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

It feels, Reminisce of something like Redwall.
At least the theme feels like it.
It is well written however, and that is important.
It feels slightly predictable, though I could be proven viciously wrong later.
Regardless, I have faith that in time this has the potential to be something special. Something Unique.
Again though, your writing style is art within itself, I can't stress this enough.
I shall return, and follow this story as it goes, simply because it has piqued my curiosity.
Now, I hate to seem rude, but you should give your world something to contrast from the norm, be it a character, a place, or something to that extent.
Gratia, for introducing me to this world, now let's see how well you can bring it to life.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

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wolfcraz-11 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I had to look up what vulpine is but afterwards I was intrigued. I can't wait to read the next chapter and find out more details! If I were living in this world, I would spend a lot of time on outlooks. Perhaps find a favorite garden...makes me want to see it. I wonder what other kinds of kin there will be! It sounds beautiful.
CutiePieDaisy1 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I will carry on tho.
KyleLambert Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Professional Writer
CutiePieDaisy1 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
KyleLambert Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Professional Writer
CutiePieDaisy1 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
shadowequinox Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
KyleLambert Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Professional Writer
Thanks. That face looks uber happy o.o
shadowequinox Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I REALLY enjoyed the story.
valintinechaotix Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
These character are interesting :3
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