He wasn't always on time, yet he wasn't always tardy either. This constant balance of negligence and responsibility baffled Valessa as to his true intentions. Taylor was only six years older than she was, but he was a veritable fountain of knowledge. The way he was able to so skillfully impart wisdom was the cause of much jealousy. Not just to her, but to the other students as well – their faces showing that one day too, they hoped to be as wise as he.
Genius however, always came at a fault. In this case, it was in the fact that they sat in wait for the next twenty-three minutes before their teacher decided to show. Standing at the head of the class with his arm cradling six or seven books, he smiled as if nothing was wrong. Not today, nor ever.
“Well, not too late now, am I?” he laughed. “I mean, I've been much later than this in the past, and still your gracious hostess has yet to scold me.”
He seemed to place an emphasis on the feminine term, while fixing his eyes on Valessa, who was still at the back of the room. She let out an exaggerated and humorous sigh, as if the words had deeply hurt her, before giggling it away afterwards.
The children fidgeted awkwardly at this clearly flirtatious exchange, still finishing the remainders of the meal that was handed out while the long wait for Taylor took place. But during this silence, his demeanor remained unchanged, that piercing gaze still fixed on her. There was something about his eyes, she thought. The way the jade of his irises sparkled in the low lighting the classroom had provided. It revealed a childish sincerity in his soul, through which she simply couldn't take him seriously. Not that he was being serious in any conceivable way; as Valessa scolded him on a near daily basis – it was just in his nature to be playful. Every time she tried to lecture him, he quickly threw it aside with the words: I'll take it into consideration. He never did of course, but this was part of his undeniable charm. In their current societal circumstances, he was able to remain jovial and childish – a quality that was both admirable and amiable.
As soon as he finished eyeing the classroom for his makeshift way of role call, he placed the books he was holding down on the largest desk. It was his own, and it was easily the size of four of the student's desks, as if this were to impose his authority. Well, what little authority he had, in fact.
“I just wanted to take a moment to let you all know that we have some new additions to the class today. To make them feel welcome, please refrain from staring or treating them badly. Calling them new blood is disrespectful and I expect none of you to say it.”
After this, the amount of students that turned their head in search of the new pupils were incredibly few, and limited to the ones that Taylor would call delinquents, just as he had suspected. Only after a few minutes, and upon letting the students quiet down completely, did he choose to begin his lesson.
“Well, in attempt to being the new students up to speed , today we are going to discuss the consulates and their role within our society, most importantly about their relationship to The Triumvirate and their establishment about thirty years ago. I know we cover this a lot, so I apologize profusely. But I must emphasize it's importance...”
#Furry-is-Forever
)
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
Sta.sh
)to this list 
The setting is done quiet well, the feel that it is this small building is there, since they do use one room for a majority of their everyday life. Though, people are also part of the setting, and the children should have been a little more active and part of it despite not being the main focus. Over all, you ideas and settings so far in this story are rather intriguing.
As for the dialogue there should be more of it, since it is interesting to see the characters interactions through it. Maybe even some background dialogue from the children when the new students come it or something would make it so there can be added dialogue from Taylor. What is written for the dialogue does seem to suit the fun of his character.
Overall, this is beautifully written. This part seemed short and to end abruptly, leaving it feeling incomplete, in a way that kind of just cut it off at the same time wondering if things will be explained or not.
Once finished reading the comment it is kind of hard to say what direction you should go with the next part of the story. Adding in the lesson, while it can be explained later on in the story it is something that can easily be placed in here without feeling out of place and it will allow the audience to understand the world better and why things are this way. Since it is important it will be suggested you do place it into the next part while still working on Taylor's character as he teaches the children and readers. However, if there is information you wish to leave hidden from the audience for better use later, that is understandable.
Hope you keep up the good work and are able to publish this story sometime in the future.
A few notes, as always. As another critique says, "cradling approximately six of seven books" is not right - but I have a bigger issue with the "approximately.. or" than the typo. If you're going to say "approximately", you don't need to say "or", so I would leave out the "approximately". "Cradling six or seven books" sounds much better
"Not today, or not ever." Shouldn't it be "not today, nor ever"? It just seems awkward to me somehow.
I don't understand how "gracious hostess" is supposed to be a womanizing term. It sounds teasingly respectful to me, and it bothered me that apparently she considers it to be a negative term.
"to let you all know, that we have some new additions" - no comma
Then, this part: "To make them feel welcome, please refrain from staring at them dumbfoundedly – or calling them new blood – it freaks them out.”
Mmh, better would be something along the lines of "To make them feel welcome, please refrain from staring or treating them badly. Calling them new blood is disrespectful and I expect none of you to say it." That way he's gently chiding his students, ensuring their good behavior by appealing to their better sides, rather than making the new kids feel pressured by making it sound like he expects the others to stare rudely or call them names.
"limited to the one's" - no apostrophe there!
“Well, in attempt to being the new students up to speed – and I apologize profusely – today we are going to discuss the consulates and their role within out society, most importantly about their relationship to The Triumvirate, and their establishment about thirty years ago.”
I suggest you delete the "and I apologize profusely", instead adding at the end "I know most of you have had this lesson before, but pay close attention, for it is important..." I also think you should write the lesson in the next chapter
There we go, my two cents on this page! I would quite like to know more about what Taylor looks like (color of fur, height relative to Valessa, etc) - and I'm wondering: weren't the kids going to have breakfast at the end of the previous page? What happened to that?
All in all, it's a fine page, but didn't impress me as much as the rest. I don't know why, but the atmosphere didn't seem as convincing to me here.. Maybe because, though they waited for him for 45 minutes, the kids weren't fidgeting at all, Valessa wasn't annoyed at all - in fact, there seems to be no emotion in this page but for Taylor's carefree smile and joking. There are other people there! When he arrives, make a Valessa sigh in frustration about his tardiness, make him have to calm the rowdy kids down, when he points out the new kids and the troublemakers stare, make the new kids stare awkwardly at the floor, and maybe have the kid from the last page put his paw comfortingly on one of the new kids' arms in a comforting gesture... Bring emotion into it! Kids are rarely still
The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork
Please sign up or login to post a critique.